We've learnt there is a campaign to market wine specifically to women. Whoever these patronising gits are, our guess is it will be an easy job.
The best bet is to plaster every London tube station with a poster of a random fat chick, with the words "This is you" written underneath.
They'll be swilling it back till Armageddon.
Don't say we didn't warn you.
Friday, 29 February 2008
Thursday, 14 February 2008
Famous and funny (and not so) quotes about wine
If you don't know what this blog is really about, these may give you some idea:
"You haven't drunk too much wine if you can still lie on the floor without holding on" (Dean Martin)
"At a recent wine tasting a man inhaled deeply and proclaimed, 'I'm getting Brailian woman'." (Jonathan Meades)
This is the sulphurous urination of some aged horse" (D.H Lawrence, on Spanish wine)
"Wine should be stored in a cool, dry place. The glove compartment of a Jaguar or an abandoned washing machine are my personal favourites" (Richard Smith)
"You could have been picking these grapes at the moment that Robert Standford-Tyre was downing a Heinkel over the Channel, in a Hawker Hurricane, which is a nice thought. It should almost be drunk in celebration of it." (James May, commenting on a 1940 Bordeaux, OZ & JAMES' BIG WINE ADVENTURE, BBC.
"Balls. We want the finest wines available to humanity. And we want them here. And we want them now." (Withnail, Richard E Grant, Withnail & I)
"What contemptible scoundrel stole the cork from my lunch?" (Larson E. Whipsnade (W.C. Fields) You Can’t Cheat an Honest Man (1939))
"The last time that I trusted a dame was in Paris in 1940. She was going out to get a bottle of wine. Two hours later, the Germans marched into France." (Sam Diamond in Murder by Death (1976))
"I can certainly see you know your wine. Most of the guests who stay here wouldn't know the difference between Bordeaux and Claret." (Basil Fawlty (John Cleese) in Fawlty Towers)
"You could have been picking these grapes at the moment that Robert Standford-Tyre was downing a Heinkel over the Channel, in a Hawker Hurricane, which is a nice thought. It should almost be drunk in celebration of it." (James May, commenting on a 1940 Bordeaux, OZ & JAMES' BIG WINE ADVENTURE, BBC.
"Balls. We want the finest wines available to humanity. And we want them here. And we want them now." (Withnail, Richard E Grant, Withnail & I)
"What contemptible scoundrel stole the cork from my lunch?" (Larson E. Whipsnade (W.C. Fields) You Can’t Cheat an Honest Man (1939))
"The last time that I trusted a dame was in Paris in 1940. She was going out to get a bottle of wine. Two hours later, the Germans marched into France." (Sam Diamond in Murder by Death (1976))
"I can certainly see you know your wine. Most of the guests who stay here wouldn't know the difference between Bordeaux and Claret." (Basil Fawlty (John Cleese) in Fawlty Towers)
Wednesday, 6 February 2008
DEU - Black Tower Sparkles
It is with a deep level of regret that we announce that Black Tower, that bloody awful paint thinner the germans somehow made popular in the 70's, has announced it's new product - sparkling wine.
In a can.
Oh. My. God.
We had hoped that market forces had sorted out the future of this god awful product, but we wuz wronged. Described as "deliciously fresh and full of fruit flavours of pineapple and mango", this 200 ml can is aimed squarely at younger drinkers, surely code for 'cheap university students who just want to get hammered and not do any work'.
It is conveniently packaged in 24 can trays.
According to the MD, Black Tower has been re-invented from it's Liebfraumilch craze of the 70's.
Looks like the same poorly made drop of the old 'falling down' that it always was.
Monday, 4 February 2008
The Most Interesting Site Ever
I have to say right off the bat that this posting has a pretty tenuous link to wine and wine making, but bear with me.
I have spent most of today writing up a trip to the Mountain Gorillas of Uganda, and needed to find the collective noun. I came across the most brilliant site, that gave me all collective nouns for pretty much any animal you can imagine.
So, if you are in wine country (here it comes), and wondering about crop damage, it could be due to a trace of rabbits, an array of hedgehogs, a parliament of owls, or a murmuration of starlings.
It's pretty unlikely to be a hover of trout.
I told you the link was tenuous. But at least we improved your vocabulary, or at the very least earned an extra point at your local pub's trivia night.
And by the way, it's a band of gorilla.
Friday, 1 February 2008
USA - Nutritional Information on US Wine Labels
According to a group called "Shape Up America!" (it really does have an exclaimation point) a recent survey showed that consumers wanted full nutritional content on wine labels.
In order of information requested, consumers want the quantity of alcohol, followed by calories, carbohydrates, fat, and protein.
They actually handed this survey to the Alcohol and Tobacco Tax and Trade Bureau, an organisation that is seriously considering the move.
It's news to us that wine has any nutritional value. It certainly would struggle to make Atkins, or the South Beach list. I doubt you will ever see it appear along with wholegrains on the food pyramid.
We also don't know anyone who gave nutrition a second glance in the "offie" or bottle shop. The only label many look at is the one that hopefully says "$6.99"
So a better label, more suited to many wine drinkers, may be as follows:
"WARNING: Excess consumption may:
Though perhaps what is needed is simply this label, in bright yellow, and big print:
"Atypical American, er, Amoron? Avoid!"
Well, maybe just in Alabama.
I cannot believe there are people out there thinking this rubbish up. Wine is for enjoyment, socialising and fun. Here at The Wine Ponce, we know plenty of Americans - and none of them are anywhere near that stupid!
There shouldn't be a person in America who doesn't know what excess consumption of wine can do - so take responsibility for yourself!
In order of information requested, consumers want the quantity of alcohol, followed by calories, carbohydrates, fat, and protein.
They actually handed this survey to the Alcohol and Tobacco Tax and Trade Bureau, an organisation that is seriously considering the move.
It's news to us that wine has any nutritional value. It certainly would struggle to make Atkins, or the South Beach list. I doubt you will ever see it appear along with wholegrains on the food pyramid.
We also don't know anyone who gave nutrition a second glance in the "offie" or bottle shop. The only label many look at is the one that hopefully says "$6.99"
So a better label, more suited to many wine drinkers, may be as follows:
"WARNING: Excess consumption may:
- Make your head hurt tomorrow,
- Cause your liver to fall off (you only need one, anyway),
- Make you feel a lot funnier than you really are,
- Make you cheer for the England rugby team, and
- Cause girls knickers to fall off.
Though perhaps what is needed is simply this label, in bright yellow, and big print:
"Atypical American, er, Amoron? Avoid!"
Well, maybe just in Alabama.
I cannot believe there are people out there thinking this rubbish up. Wine is for enjoyment, socialising and fun. Here at The Wine Ponce, we know plenty of Americans - and none of them are anywhere near that stupid!
There shouldn't be a person in America who doesn't know what excess consumption of wine can do - so take responsibility for yourself!
Thursday, 31 January 2008
ZAR - Power cuts disrupt South African harvest
Decanter is reporting that the rolling power cuts afflicting South Africa, that have already forced the closure of mines across the country, and caused the government to stop supply to Botswana and Namibia, may affect the Republic's grape harvest this year.
The winemaking body Wine Cellars of South Africa is calling for the outages to be moved from daytime to evening or early morning.
To mitigate this problem, many wineries have bought generators in.
The winemaking body Wine Cellars of South Africa is calling for the outages to be moved from daytime to evening or early morning.
To mitigate this problem, many wineries have bought generators in.
Wednesday, 30 January 2008
NZL - Central Otago growing season right on target
The 2008 Central Otago grape harvest is looking good – so far. Central is notorious for early and late frosts, so don’t bet the house on a great season yet. Though it is looking promising, after a very cool start in October that even delayed the new seasons growth of virtually every plant species in the area by three to four weeks.
Rippon Vineyard, nestled on the shores of Lake Wanaka, is still taking a conservative approach, despite an excellent growing season.
“With the exception of the odd rainfall here and there, we have had fine, dry weather since mid November” says Jo Mills, Rippon’s Business and Export Manager. “We don't generally start picking until mid April so there is still a good few months. If, and that is of course a big if, this weather continues, we will be looking at an early harvest”
In the Gibbston Valley the same positive, though cautious, approach is prevalent. Greg Hay, of Peregrine Wines, notes that “the fact we had so much rain in spring has been the saviour as that has allowed the vines to access water that wouldn’t normally be there, so are showing no signs of stress yet”.
Elaine Walker, of Quartz Reef, is equally optomistic, an continues to maintain the cautionary tone. “Our old nemesis Jack Frost was around in early November but no commercial damage was experienced. The grapes flowered under favourable conditions and as a result (we’re) currently looking at a well balanced crop.”
Jeff Sinnott, winemaker at Amisfield, noted that they “were up to two weeks late in the early season but then it all changed. The weather fined up & by mid-December things had cheered up considerably”.
And what does Amisfield expect?
“We can only expect the best this year”, continues Sinnott. “The vines are set up perfectly, canopies green & healthy, growth stoppage is right on target so there are no excuses”.
Love that attitude!
Traditionally, there is no real pattern to how the Central Otago growing season will go. It can be hot and dry for months on end, and then either freeze late in the season, or turn to rain, likewise it can be wet and wild all season.
The most famous season is probably the ‘Big Freeze” of 1992 that destroyed a huge percentage of that years harvest.
Promising comments – keep in touch. We’re looking forward to toasty Pinot Noir over the next couple of years.
PS: We sent email requests to 16 wineries, four replied. We have no problem with this, as it is, of course, an extremely busy time of the year.
Rippon Vineyard, nestled on the shores of Lake Wanaka, is still taking a conservative approach, despite an excellent growing season.
“With the exception of the odd rainfall here and there, we have had fine, dry weather since mid November” says Jo Mills, Rippon’s Business and Export Manager. “We don't generally start picking until mid April so there is still a good few months. If, and that is of course a big if, this weather continues, we will be looking at an early harvest”
In the Gibbston Valley the same positive, though cautious, approach is prevalent. Greg Hay, of Peregrine Wines, notes that “the fact we had so much rain in spring has been the saviour as that has allowed the vines to access water that wouldn’t normally be there, so are showing no signs of stress yet”.
Elaine Walker, of Quartz Reef, is equally optomistic, an continues to maintain the cautionary tone. “Our old nemesis Jack Frost was around in early November but no commercial damage was experienced. The grapes flowered under favourable conditions and as a result (we’re) currently looking at a well balanced crop.”
Jeff Sinnott, winemaker at Amisfield, noted that they “were up to two weeks late in the early season but then it all changed. The weather fined up & by mid-December things had cheered up considerably”.
And what does Amisfield expect?
“We can only expect the best this year”, continues Sinnott. “The vines are set up perfectly, canopies green & healthy, growth stoppage is right on target so there are no excuses”.
Love that attitude!
Traditionally, there is no real pattern to how the Central Otago growing season will go. It can be hot and dry for months on end, and then either freeze late in the season, or turn to rain, likewise it can be wet and wild all season.
The most famous season is probably the ‘Big Freeze” of 1992 that destroyed a huge percentage of that years harvest.
Promising comments – keep in touch. We’re looking forward to toasty Pinot Noir over the next couple of years.
PS: We sent email requests to 16 wineries, four replied. We have no problem with this, as it is, of course, an extremely busy time of the year.
Monday, 28 January 2008
NZL - New Zealand Winery named Top Producer for 2007
American wine critic Michael Franz has named New Zealand wine producer Villa Maria Estate the 2007 world wine producer of the year. Franz, who wrote for the Washington Post for 11 years, describes Villa Maria as being at the forefront of the historic rise of kiwi wine. He went on to say that Villa Maria is "an innovator in technical matters and an exemplar in terms of quality and price".
Franz singled out the Reserve Clifford Bay Sauvignon Blanc and Single Vineyard Taylors Pass Sauvignon Blanc as 'among the world's best'.
Villa Maria was founded in 1961 by George Fistonich. It has been at the forefront of the 'screw-cap' revolution, and it's wines have been cork free since 2004.
I would just like to say that this writer has been espousing the virtues of Villa Maria for many years, to anyone who would listen. Not many did.
Oh, for a reputation!
Franz singled out the Reserve Clifford Bay Sauvignon Blanc and Single Vineyard Taylors Pass Sauvignon Blanc as 'among the world's best'.
Villa Maria was founded in 1961 by George Fistonich. It has been at the forefront of the 'screw-cap' revolution, and it's wines have been cork free since 2004.
I would just like to say that this writer has been espousing the virtues of Villa Maria for many years, to anyone who would listen. Not many did.
Oh, for a reputation!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
